Bear Grylls

So after a standard night out in Loughborough I forgot that I don’t actually live there any more, made my way home with no key and what turns out to be an hour and a half too soon. It also happened to be the night that it was -16c. Instead of logically walking back to the union I first tried to climb in the bathroom window but I was too drunk to get my other leg through.

At this time it was beginning to hurt it was that cold, so I casually built a fire on Fuddy and Princess Norway’s patio. I burnt everything I could find, Martha’s Christmas present packaging, the curtain rail and a floor board plank. All was well until the fire went out, I panicked and cried. I took shelter in Martha’s porch until somebody let me in the house. There were no blankets so I wrapped myself in all the towels I could find.

Eventually I managed to get a key, but the door had slammed the lock shut. FML. So I ran as fast as I could back to Martha’s house but I clipped a car wing mirror and pretty much fell on my face and cried again.

Standard Hey Ewe behaviour!

The Thursday morning feeling

Oh that Thursday morning feeling I always get after Hey Ewe; my friends will no doubt be accustomed to such a feeling. It’s a mixture of hangover, worthlessness, confusion, scrunchiness, ag and the need to withdraw from society (at least for the first few hours of the day.) I suppose it’s a similar feeling most people get when they have to go to work on a Monday.

I never used to get the Thursday morning feeling that much but that was back in the day I was able to go home with my girlfriend and avoid any unnecessary drama or at least stay in bed all day. Now I feel like unfortunately I am in the drama. I also feel the smack in the face of the aftermath of countless Jagerbombs and whatever else I thought was a good idea to consume at Hey Ewe. The feeling is ten times worse now that I have to get up and go to work.

I suppose I only have another 15 Thursday morning feelings to go until I finally leave the bubble, something I probably should have done two years ago. I wonder if I will miss them at all?

The Adventures of Leymile

In my recent OCD spell, I have been reorganising my pictures and files on my computer. I came across many hidden gems and awful photos of the past 6 years. It has inspired me to share The Adventures of Leymile, that was co-founded nearly 6 years ago with Lip Balm Addict. Generally I could write a book on our adventures but in this blog I want to give you a synopsis of our story so far.

It began at hockey initiation, where Lip Balm Addict was my mum and I was a fish. Due to a broken ankle and being on crutches I had to consume whatever she would normally on a standard Wednesday night. This was due to her falling out of her wheelchair the week previous.
Result = alcoholism + going home with Ness and her boyfriend!

Then there was the Supreme Dyslexic one.

The Gouse was created with Parsnip and Nibs! Here Lip Balm addict learnt about: sharking and whaling, who was the chicken thief, the chronicles of the cucumber, cock in hand, shedidge, raaaave light, Graham, the Moomba sign, the sex game, psycho bitch lady and house inspections, Hey Ewe schniefing, the banana sex toy, ants, the aftermath of all day drinking, foam head protector, ginger sex, EGG BIG EGG, tequila, the vodka pear, drunken steals, Jolie, Emilism and sailor behaviour.

Then there was the time that Lip Balm Addict decided to dress as a flame, completing covering her body with red body paint. The night that she inadvertently flashed me a little too much!

We also managed to take our destruction to Italy, where Lip Balm Addict met Aids and rat baby Waller. Other highlights include secret schniefing that was revealed 6 months later, flash flooding the bedroom, mopping it up with the bed sheets and then throwing them out of the 6th floor window, touch it its so soft, the pirate spanking sword, too much foam and the flying plant pot. Here Lip Balm Addict threw a plant pot from the top floor to see “what would happen” meanwhile me on the 6th floor saw something fly past, I looked over as the hotel manager looked up thinking it was me, he literally hated me the rest of the trip always shouting DETESTE. This guy was worse than Manuel in Lloret de Mar!

Festival behaviour! We went to the wettest festival I have ever been to “Gatecrasherrrrrrrrr haaa haaaaaaaaa.” Chemical Brothers cancelled, I got attacked by a flying tent and managed to fall asleep in a rave tent (how loud?) Creamfields and Global Gathering have all have merged into one however the purchase of the sky-blue vest and then getting robbed is one of my festival highlights! At Hideout the other memorable moments were breaking Soft Hair’s sunglasses twice, tomatoes, Jack Beats, BORINGGGGG, apartment love, Rows sack of underwear and no clothes, the psycho jellyfish sting and sober raving!

There are also other events like Finnybop’s birthday and the fact we have many photos that should be on an album cover.

Oh and to conclude Lip Balm is so defined you know!

I appreciate some of this maybe absolute nonsense to many of you but if you want to know what some of the stories are in more detail I will be happy to share them with you.

Copyright © Leygan 2012