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Bear Grylls

So after a standard night out in Loughborough I forgot that I don’t actually live there any more, made my way home with no key and what turns out to be an hour and a half too soon. It also happened to be the night that it was -16c. Instead of logically walking back to the union I first tried to climb in the bathroom window but I was too drunk to get my other leg through.

At this time it was beginning to hurt it was that cold, so I casually built a fire on Fuddy and Princess Norway’s patio. I burnt everything I could find, Martha’s Christmas present packaging, the curtain rail and a floor board plank. All was well until the fire went out, I panicked and cried. I took shelter in Martha’s porch until somebody let me in the house. There were no blankets so I wrapped myself in all the towels I could find.

Eventually I managed to get a key, but the door had slammed the lock shut. FML. So I ran as fast as I could back to Martha’s house but I clipped a car wing mirror and pretty much fell on my face and cried again.

Standard Hey Ewe behaviour!


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